Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
