...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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