a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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