Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
