Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
