This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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