The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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