I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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