I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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