I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
