that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
