You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
