saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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