So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize
