The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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