Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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