So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
