What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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