so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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