I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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