Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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