I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
