Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
