Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
