I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Randomize
