They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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