I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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