WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
