He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
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She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
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I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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