Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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