were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I fill condoms, not promises.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
