What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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