Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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