Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
