I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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