i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
