I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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