You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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