Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
