At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
