My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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