oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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