I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
