I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
only if we run a train.
done.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
