Can i not drive my cunt home
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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