Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
