the condom got lost in my hair
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
