you would pick up someone in the library
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
