wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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