i need an iv and a liver transplant
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
