getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
