I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
