I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
