he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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