i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize