the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Damn victory sex feels great
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