I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
