What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
