I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
