I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
