HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I touched a dick in church today
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
