I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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