Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Holy sore nipples Batman
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
