It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
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And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
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I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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