you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
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Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
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I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize