Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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