Got a toothbrush?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
