I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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