I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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