let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
