I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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