They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
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By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize