I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just cut my nipple shaving
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
