I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
